Monday, March 17, 2014

He called me to be a missionary

Dear Familia,

So, this week, we actually worked cause Hermana Peralta was feeling better, which made the week go faster and stuff.  Wow, I cannot believe how Megan's mission is.  Sometimes I think I would like that better, but I guess you could say that I am getting the classic missionary experience.

About our golden family. Well, we didn’t see them this week, because they had surprise visitors . . lame!  They also couldn’t come to church because they left town . . double lame! But I am still hopeful for them.  They have three sons.  D*, who is the son of Ma* and baptized, another son of J* who doesn't live with them, and C*, the son of Ma* and J*.  He has 10 years.

About Ja*.  She signed up for instituto!  She loves the church, and is very serious now about quitting to smoke.  She has a fecha por this sabado, but she didn’t come to church yesterday, so I'm not sure if she will actually get baptized.  There is something that she needs, I just don’t know what it is.  There is something that is keeping her from jumping into the waters of baptism and then slinging to the bar of iron for the rest of her life.  I just haven’t figured it out yet.

We did have a baptism this week!  YAY!  I don’t know if I ever mentioned Cl*.  But, if I didn’t . . well . . he got baptized yesterday.  I have been teaching him for about 3 months. He almost got baptized when Hermana Morley was here, but then he kept drinking, so we had to change his date again and again.  Then I stopped passing by for him.  Well, when Hermana Peralta showed up, I felt that we should pass by again, and he said that it had been 1 month since he had drank.  We invited him to be baptized and he jumped at the chance. He really has a strong desire to follow Christ.  He will just need the ward to accept him.

Also, this week, on a very hot day, when all our lessons fell through, like usual, we were walking down that same street where J* and Ma* live.  I was a little frustrated, and hot, and tired, and thirsty, and just ready to go home, but it was still the middle of the day.  We stopped in the middle of the street and Hermana Peralta asked me where we were going, like she always does. I said, I don’t know, like I always do.  Then I started walking and she followed.  We passed by a door that we had done a contact at a few days before.  I felt we should knock the door again.  So I did.  Well, a young woman, named Ashly answered.  We found out that she is the cousin of the person we contacted, and the person we contacted wasn’t there.  But she invited us in.  We shared the first lesson with her, and the spirit was very strong.  At the end I asked her how she felt about what we had shared, and she said that she always invites all the religions into share with her, but that the way we taught was very different from all the other missionaries of different religions.  We then invited her to be baptized and she accepted.  She was super excited to go to church on Sunday, but when we passed by her house in the morning, her mom said that she had to leave for algun emerencia.  So she didn’t come to church, but I truly believe that she will accept this gospel. She is prepared.

But, basically, I am just doing the same thing I have always been doing, and always looking for way to do and be better.  But I am getting tired.  There are few things that I cannot express through words, but the exhaustion that I feel is one of them. . . .   I often do weekly planning alone in the night cause she doesn't have much input. . .  I would like to say that this doesn't affect me, but I am not made of stone, and hearing negativity all the time fills my head with negative thoughts.

The mission is hard enough.  I fight disanimo every day . . . .   It is emotionally and mentally exhausting for me.

I know that my mission is not as physically demanding as other missions, but I have been using that step tracker, and on a normal day we walk about 6 miles.  Its not a lot, but day after day it wears on me.  My knees hurt, my legs hurt, my back hurts, I don’t remember what it feels like to not hurt.

I want to do this, but sometimes I feel like I can’t.

I want to share the gospel.  There is nothing that has brought me such great joy in all my life.  I still have my fire.  But sometimes I feel like I am driving a car with a full tank, but 4 flat tires.  The gas won’t do any good if the tires don’t have air.  I have patched these tires up so many times, but the air is still leaking through the patches.  Sometimes I just want to get out of the car and walk away, cause this is hard.

But I won’t.  Obviously I am going to finish, even if it costs me all my hair, my right knee, and my back.  The Lord didn’t call me to be a quitter.  He called me to be a missionary.  If you think of all of Gods children, all the people that have lived in the world, that do live in the world, that will live in the world, and that live in countless worlds around the universe, you might realize that God hasn’t called many to be his missionaries.  He hasn’t called many to wear His sons name.  But He called me.  So I won’t quit.  I will get out and push this car through the sand if I have to, but I am not going to give up.

In Preach my Gospel it says that Christ suffered so that He could heal us both physically and spiritually.  I need both.

Maybe I don’t have to push this car.  Maybe I just need to call the master mechanic.  He knows how to change a tire, and He is willing to come to my aid every time that I run over a nail, or that I get tripped up on the path somewhere.  Maybe I am just putting patches over the problems I have instead of calling someone who can help me fix them.

Okay, I'll get off my soap box.

We put our couch on our balcony, and we write in our journals every night before going to bed.  Its fun.
So, about the earthquakes.. yeah we heard about those.  I have felt the earth tremble many times while on my mission.  Its way sweet.  But the other night there was a long tremble, and it was strong.  Hermana Peralta and I are going to update our emergency backpacks . . jajaja.

Send the knee things if you want but really, I don’t need anything else.

How is Harrison doing?  I have told a few missionaries what is going on in his mission. Nobody can believe it.  Especially the part about baptizing in the river, and the AP baptizing his investigator.  Honestly?  Are you serious?  That’s just wrong.  But, everyone gets called to the mission they can handle.  Who God calls He qualifies.

I love you all, and hope you have a wonderful week!
Con amor,

Hna Ostler

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